The Others – Part 1

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March 20th, 1998. 3:15pm in Oppicretum, the only city known to be inhabited on planet Griseoculum. There was a Blemiyeh sat to Jake’s left, a Cockatrice to his right, a dwarf sat in his lap, a Brownie on his arm and a gargoyle perched on his head. Outside the bus stop he was sitting in was a sphinx, one of the few creatures in Oppicretum that spoke English and Grisian, babbling away with riddles and puzzles.

“Ooh, what about this one? What can you catch, but never throw? Hmm? A cold! Hahaha! Come on, try this! What binds two people together yet touches only one? A wedding ring! Oh, my Anubis, you’re worse than you look, you little toad!”

Jake was a 28-year-old man transferred to Griseoculum from Planet 56-B. He lived alone, and had no family that he knew of. He was the only human there – that is to say, part-human. Jake was also half-Kappa, because of the depression on the top of his head. A Kappa, as you might know, is a creature that resides in rivers, originating in Japan, Earth, around 3 million light years or so away from Griseoculum. Jake never needed to pour water into the depression, as he was able to perform magical feats without it. He was, however, able to breathe underwater.

Jake wasn’t planning to get on the hoverbus that afternoon. He had no idea why he was sat there. He was one of those people who did things for no reason at all. One minute had passed, and the Blemiyeh, Cockatrice, dwarf, Brownie and gargoyle, with the sphinx following behind the bus, had all boarded, leaving Jack on his own. He sat there for a few moments more, and snapped his fingers, conjuring a Snackable Delicator – a type of chocolate biscuit with food crystals eaten in Oppicretum. As he devoured the Delicator, he looked back towards the plaza behind him. There, he noticed a figure in the distance, a figure with a suitcase, a figure wearing a brown trilby hat, a figure in a tweed suit, a figure that slowly became clearer and clearer until Jake could see that it was not just a figure, but a man, a human.

Jake jumped up, which was also for no particular reason, and threw the Snackable Delicator aside, shortly glimpsing it disappearing with a pop. As he and the man drew closer, Jake shuddered slightly, which was another action with no reason (I told you Jake was one of those people who do irrational things), then stopped beside the clanktern, which was not really making any noise apart from the occasional tick, waiting for the man to arrive at the same point. When he did, the man dropped his suitcase, looking as if he was going to collapse. “Hello,” he said feebly, stretching out his hand so as to shake Jake’s, “My name’s Stephen, I’m 27 and-oh! I forgot! You, um, you do speak English, don’t you? Everything else I’ve come across talks some newfangled language, something like-”

“What, like ‘Bookoo zabar brakay zeebee’? I’m Jack, 28, the only part-human here – well, one of them.”

Stephen seemed to squeal with delight for a moment. “Oh, great! Could you support me for a few days? I don’t have any money, I don’t know the language and I only have two outfits, including my pyjamas!”

“Of course.” Jake picked up his suitcase, doing it reluctantly, which was yet something else without a reason, and asked, “Want a drink?”

Stephen, who was now sweating heavily, nodded, and Jake rubbed his fingers together, making a bottle of a type of fluid appear, handing it to Stephen.

“Asphod-Aqua.” Jake said, “Enriched with aloe vera, Purgatio minerals and Recuntills. Very healthy.”

“Oh, thank you.” Stephen said whilst taking a swig, then suddenly started babbling about anything that came to his mind.

“This planet is amazing! All these different creatures, they’re really cool. The sphinx caught my eye, all those clever riddles, and then you’ve got the hinkypunks, and Arabian agreets too! I must say, those Brownies are fascinating too, they’re purely brilliant…”

And as he rambled on, Jake decided that he would have some fun just this once, and with a short clap, there was a squelch, and Stephen was covered in custard. He spluttered out from behind the thick layer:

“Then, of course, we’ve got you.”

To be continued…

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🍰 A Piece of Cake: The Smack of Life 👊

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My daily routine doesn’t consist of much. I hardly get any nice surprises.

When I get up in the morning, I normally have to go on a treasure hunt 🔎 around the house to find my cheetah-skin patterned slippers. They are really fast 💨and it’s hard to keep up with them. I knew I should have bought the snail ones; they look ugly but at least I wouldn’t have to crawl on the floor with a net just to get them.

After I have my breakfast (breadcrumbs with milk), I go and do some online shopping. I am often interrupted by the winged rat 🐀 that lives in the attic. It occasionally flies down into my computer room 💻 to chew away at the wires. I have tried to dispose of it but doing so has given me a scar on my arm the shape of a wing.

When I finish doing my online shopping, I have a lunch of cereal and jam. I usually unearth some scarab beetle worm cross-breeds lurking in the cereal box. I wonder how they find their way around the house when they are completely blind. If they could move anywhere, why did it have to be my cereal box? Now my cereal has been turned into box-cereal cross-breeds.

Next up after lunch is my afternoon nap. It is very rare that I am not woken up every 5 minutes by the poltergeists 👻 partying in the basement. And when I say partying, I mean throwing chairs and tables, ripping open the walls and creating several explosions. 💥 I must say, poltergeists have a very peculiar daily routine.

Since my afternoon nap doesn’t last very long (thanks to the very silly poltergeists), I usually like to watch TV 📺 before having dinner. The shows aren’t very interesting; they’re things like ‘Cures for Magical Maladies’ and ‘Tara’s Transfiguration Tricks!’. If I am overcome by the boredom of these TV shows, I resort to the newspaper. 📰 But, the newspaper likes to play up too. I will sometimes be sucked into the finance column 💰 when money is at an all-time low, or into an exceptionally hard puzzle section.  The neighbours get nicer things, like a weather forecast showing that it’s going to be sunny all week or a lifetime food discount.

I then go to bed 💤 after having dinner, which is quite the same as breakfast. I toss and turn for hours before going to sleep because of the irritating crushed Brownie sticks under my mattress, put there by Thambletick, the house Brownie. I guess he’s still angry at me for accidentally flushing one of his friends down the toilet. 🚽 I have to fish the sticks out with my hands every night. Only then can I get to sleep and dream about what I have to do tomorrow, which is always the same as today.

✍🏻 A Short Story & Doodle by The Pawsome Lion 🦁