Grief. It’s not something that goes away. But it is one of the many things in life that changes. Grief is like a butterfly, starting out from a little caterpillar and morphing into a butterfly. No matter the form, the grief is there, and it is valid, whether you are still a caterpillar or already a butterfly…
Yesterday, I wrote about #TheLanguageOfGrief. For those who’ve been following us, you’ll know that we’ve been writing about grief to raise awareness for more than a year now. In response to yesterday’s post, there were comments saying how grieving is ungrateful or harmful & how the right thing to do is to pray & make du’a. Before you read any further, remember that this is not an attempt to lash out at these comments or start an argument with anyone. It’s to create a better understanding of grief.
Think of it this way: if you’re ill, besides praying, you go to the doctor for treatment, not wait for it to go away. The same thing applies to grief. Grief is when you acknowledge your feelings of sadness. It doesn’t mean rejecting Allah’s decree. After all, as Muslims, it’s our obligation to pray 5 times a day & make du’a to Allah, regardless of whether we’re experiencing loss or not. Plus, a single post doesn’t prove that all we’ve been doing for the past year is be miserable. Trust me, there’s not a day that goes by when we don’t pray & make du’a for our beloved Mamajee.
Take the story of the Prophet Ya’qub (PBUH) as an example. When he was separated from his son, Prophet Yusuf (PBUH), he cried until he turned blind! This story isn’t saying that we should grieve until we cause harm to ourselves, pulling our hair out, wailing until we can’t speak anymore. But what it’s saying is that grieving is ok. If Allah’s most beloved messenger wept over the loss of their loved ones, it justifies that there is nothing wrong with grieving. Hence the idea of seeing grieving as ungrateful for what Allah has planned, or a sign of a weak Iman is totally irrelevant. If anything, it’s painting a picture of Islam as merciless and cold, when actually Allah is The Most Merciful – the complete opposite!
People say that the language of the heart is love. But for me, the real language of the heart is grief. It’s proof of our love. Our love for the loved ones we have lost. Our love for the ones we would give anything to bring back. The tears we shed, the silence we hold, the longing we feel – all that does not come from our heads. It comes from our hearts. Grieving is a way of our hearts speaking out. The best thing to do? Don’t silence the language of grief. Learn to speak it.
Today is the 1st of Muharram, which is not only the beginning of the Islamic New Year, but also marks that fateful Hijrah our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) made from Mecca to Medina, fleeing persecution and establishing the Muslim community more than 1000 years ago. He made his Hijrah to escape evil and find a new beginning, as commanded by Allah.
This Islamic New Year, we should honour the date by following in the Prophet’s footsteps. Today is the turning of a new leaf. The opening of a new book. Yes, this Islamic New Year brings to us a set of blank pages with which we are free to do what we want. And no, not just figurative pages – these are REAL pages we have. The books that the angels have been writing about our deeds in all last year have been sent up to Allah with the arrival of the new year.
Now, we each have an empty book, waiting to be filled with our deeds. So let us do something worthwhile with our first page! This is not just a transition from one year to another. This is an opportunity to carry out our own Hijrah. In fact, this year will witness our family’s very own Hijrah – InshaAllah.
I pray that each of our Hijrah is as fruitful as the Hijrah our beloved Prophet (PBUH) carried out, the Hijrah that marks the beginning of the Islamic calendar. And I pray that this Islamic year is the year that Allah gives us strength to carry out our Hijrah…Aameen!
This is my brother, Ali Omar Mukhlis. He’s brought light and happiness into our lives for so long…and today marks 5 years since he was brought into this world and began showering us with joy!
Ali is more than just a brother: he is an amazing son that surprised Mrs Mom and Mr Dad – their very own #SurpriseNumber3! He’s a best friend that’s always fun to be around – even the rainiest days seem like summer with him. His smile, his laugh, and his joking personality all make him a lovely lil’ guy, but what’s most important is that underneath that cheekiness is a kind, caring heart that loves and keeps all of his family and friends close. In his own way, Ali manages to love us and make us the happiest we can be. And as he grows, his love only gets bigger…as well as his hugs!
Today, this fun-loving, family-minded, part-time artist and full-time foodie officially turns five years old! In truth, it feels much longer than that – the joy-filled five years I’ve spent with Ali, from the moment I walked into that hospital room to greet my newborn baby brother, all the way up until now, has seemed like an eternity (and a very well-spent one at that). Me and Fatimah are so lucky to have him as our brother, and there’s no denying how great a son he has been to Mrs Mom and Mr Dad!
For his 5th birthday, I pray that Allah blesses Ali with all the good things He has to offer, and rewards him for the happiness he has given us by showering him with a hundred times the amount of joy he has given! I pray that these five years he has spent with us will only be the first few of many, and that Allah guides him on the right path and he continues to spread joy.
Happy 5th Birthday, Ali! Never stop making people happy…
This is my second mother. Even though she isn’t the one that gave birth to me, You know that she has been with me since day 1. For as long as I can remember, she has been there alongside my own mother, supporting me, caring for me, protecting me, loving me unconditionally – You know how generous her heart is. In fact, I can’t imagine a life without her there as a guiding light and a role model every step of the way! Her love, her smile, her warm hug, even her presence is enough to comfort me. I never have to ask for anything from her – she will always give, give, give and give! And together with all the love she has given to me over the years, every single bit added up, You know I would never be able to repay all of her endless gifts!
Before this holy month of Ramadhan comes to an end, allow me to ask another thing from You, this time as a gift for her. All my life, You know that I have had her watching over me and caring for me as a second mother, but I’m afraid that I won’t always be able to do the same for her. So I ask that You send two of Your best angels to watch over her, to guard her, and to care for her, 100 times as much as she has done for me! Please don’t let her see a day without happiness, so she can be happy like how she always keeps me happy. And if there is anything that crosses her mind which You think is best for her, please grant her wishes as fast as lightning! I pray that You reserve her the most beautiful palace in Jannatul Firdaus, cos that is what it felt like when I was spending time with her – heavenly! I pray that when we leave this world, we will be reunited together again, cos I don’t know what I would do without her! And lastly, I ask for You to let her know just how much I love her, cos it would be impossible to tell it to her enough!
27th Ramadhan 1441 AH
p/s: @drauntie.uk, if you’re reading this, please know that even though you loved me first, I will love you till the end…and I love you more!
It’s been a year since you were gone. How am I supposed to feel? Well, before this, I know I felt sad. No, more than sad. I was heartbroken. Confused. Speechless. I couldn’t think straight. I felt like looking up to the sky and screaming.
But at the same time, I couldn’t make a sound. In the days leading up until now, honestly, I was anxious. What would it be like, knowing that it would have been a year since you left us? How would I feel now when before this, I felt like I couldn’t live without you? Would I always be in grief? Would I forget you completely?
Yet here I am, one year later, loving you and remembering you. So what’s the answer to that very first question? How am I supposed to feel? It’s simple – I feel relieved. Relieved that I have made it this far. Relieved that you still live on in our hearts. Relieved that I still have so much to be grateful for – the loving, supporting family I have around me, and the memories in which I can still find you.
And after all, while we may not be able to talk to you, we know that you’re waiting for us all to be reunited again. All I pray for is that Allah accepts my special gift to you in this holy month of Ramadhan.
All praise is due to Allah! Managed to khatam the Quran a second time in this holy month of Ramadhan under the guidance of Mrs Mom. May Allah accept all of our good deeds and purify our hearts from riya’. And now that we’re in the last 10 days of Ramadhan, together, let’s increase our Ibadah. And I pray that my sharing will inspire others to multiply their Ibadah too…